November 13, 2013

take a step and you'll see

18x36", acrylic on canvas

i have a deep connection to water, probably because i grew up in a coastal town...and as i got older, amid teenage angst and adult ruminations, being near the water became a sort of therapeutic salve for me.  standing at the edge of the ocean watching faithful rhythmic waves and bigness of it all reminds me to find perspective, breathing deeper in the naturally cleaner air i can't help but exhale some stress, hearing gulls and waves instead of traffic or technology...all these things help bring me back to who i am, and simplify my oft swirling thoughts.  lakeside, peering into water close to me, as it reflects the sky and has it's own rhythm of gentler waves, i tend to find calmness in the patterns of rocks and light and shadow.  i settle down.

though my love for being near water has always been so strong, being in it has always been a different story.  unless i can see what is going on around me and exactly what i'm going to step on or touch, there is a paralyzing fear that grips me.  rational logic completely vanishes; i can't breathe, panic sets in and i just want out.

so i find it interesting how much i have paralleled this in life at times.  a few (ok, a lot of) blind turns have cost me in the past, and as a result, i have adapted to rely on my immediate view and present situation to keep my perspective.  there is value in that, of course...but there is also value in taking a breath and taking a step, even with limited vision beyond the present...clinging to the faith that the bigger world around me will still hold me, even if for the moment i'm not sure how.